Many of us greet the New Year with
resolutions. We commit to lose weight, quit smoking, volunteer more
time to help others, start exercising, or save more money.
Most resolutions involve setting
aside an unhelpful habit or taking up life-enhancing habits. The key
word here is “habit.” We are creatures of habit.
To accomplish the many ordinary
routines of life, to say nothing of facing the crises or special
occasions that come up from time to time, we draw upon habits of
thinking, feeling, and acting.
Life is not a series of decisions
made in a vacuum. We have developed patterns of living in this world,
relating to each other, and relating to God. There is nothing wrong
with living this way In fact, it’s how God designed us. Our character
is in large part made up of our habitual ways of navigating our daily
life.
As the year turns, some of us will
survey our lives and ask what our habits are doing to us. Are some of
our habits harmful? Are some of our formerly helpful habits no longer
effective because of changing circumstances? Do these changing
circumstances call for a new set of habits to achieve the good ends that
we are still pursuing?
I want to share some general thoughts about changing habits and conclude with a resolution that I hope you will consider.
Acquiring a habit is not like
changing a shirt. When I change a shirt, I only make one decision and
the deed is done. I develop new habits by making the same choice over
and over again for a period of time. The behavior or attitude I want to
adopt becomes habitual after weeks or months. Be patient and
persevere. It won’t always feel like your lifting a heavy weight.
Letting go of a habit doesn’t
happen with the flip of a switch. Unlearning a habit can be like
erasing pencil marks from a piece of papers. Even after a great deal of
effort traces of the habit can remain.
For the most part, simply erasing a
habit won’t work. You have to replace it with something positive. For
instance, successful diets give us a new way to eat, not merely a list
of the things we cannot eat.
And as for me, I find that habit
formation works best by taking it one day at a time. Today I will eat
healthy or do something kind for someone or take a walk. Refusing to
look too far down the road means that one day we will look behind us and
realize that we have actually been walking a very new path that we now
take for granted.
Now I would like for you to
consider a resolution. Let’s learn to disagree in a constructive,
positive manner. Our nation needs it.
Living together in such a large,
diverse country means that there will be a wide range of ideas about
meeting the challenges we face. In order for us to face these
challenges, we will have to find a way to do it together.
To do this, there are a few helpful habits we will need.
Seek the common good, not just your own narrow self-interest.
Ask what you can contribute in every situation, not merely what you will get out of it.
When we disagree about ideas, assume the good will of those with whom you disagree.
Refuse to indulge in contempt for those with whom you disagree. Look actively for the good in them.
Find the one thing you agree upon and commit to working together on that with all your might.
Remember that right relationship is more important than being right.
We need a new tone in this
country. We need a positive, cooperative spirit that takes disagreement
as a process for finding common solution instead of battles to have our
own way all the time.
We are all in this together.